a Little about mi (2) LOVE

Well i am not a sentimental person, people might find it weird why i sae this becoz they wld be lyk SHIHUI IS SO full of emotions. But realli i grew up veri undeveloped in expressing miself. Mi dad wrks all the time and dun hav much time for me. The oni times i experience Love was wen He punished mi wen i am small, becoz as a traditional chinese Dad he doesn't know how to show Love and thus I grew up not knowing what is love. I din have the warmth and love most families have or I presumed they had. Even now i still have difficulties expressing miself bt compared to the past I have made progress hehe. SO this post is about how i percieve Love.

Since i was small i always tried to seek the "love" or companionship i lack from mi family. Thus i did silly stuff lyk making mi dad angry, Lying, seeking bad company, joined a gang, rebelious, stealing, fighting and all sorts of stuff sometimes to get miself in trouble so that i could catch mi Dad's attention. But i learnt the hard way that i am only hurting e ppl loved mi. That when i hurt miself ppl around mi or who loved mi gets hurt too. Maybe becoz of this weird family situation i grew up in I always had a weird relationship i have with mi dad ( this is mi ans to sonia qns of why i feel uncomfortable at home thou i dunno she wld read it not).

Thus basically i grew up thinking I was not loved and no one could love mi. More things happen in mi life that during mi teens this idea was cemented in mi heart and mind and that whoever love mi even if he/she was family wants something from mi and not becoz he/she loves mi. That's why since mi sec sch daes i had built a wall to protect mi heart from everyone, sometimes even mi dad who might be the only one who loved mi. I juz din want to get hurt or be hurt anymore.

Howver mi life took 2 drastic change when i was 16 n 19, mi dad remarried and i found God. The thing is i always want to share about God but i din becoz i was afraid, I was afraid of geting hurt from condemnation, rejection and critism i would have to recieve if i shared about God. BUT then i decide to share his goodness and greatness, and be true to miself I wanna live a lifethhat allows mi to be true to miself. God has been good and great Firstly becoz he first loved mi and that he was always dere for me, even if sometimes some prayers were not realised I know that God is good and that He sees the future that i do not. He has a plan for everi1. God is never earli or late but he is always on time. After joining church i have grew, into a person i can be proud of be happi with and a person who i can grow to love. Of coz i am not perfect, no one is, BUT i wanna improve i wanna be a better person i wanna do GOOD. I do not wanna live mi life by how the wrold defines it BUT I wanna live it TRUE to miself, with God everidae.

Throu these few years in church n life I have found Love in God and thus am slowly able to show/express love. No matter if it's to mi Famili or to mi frens. But I still have a long long way to go man haha. Mi life had truely began, these few yrs, I going keep striving so ppl ( frens n families) bear with mi as i try to be a better person who has love and bring love to people. Recentli one of mi fren told mi one of mi greatest strength is forgiveness. WHich took mi by surprise, becoz i wasn't expecting it but Vicki i think i am forgiving becoz i love. Love always ppl to do extraordinary thing it allows ppl to be able to do impossible thing if the world had more LOVE how wonderful it would be.

So instead of peace out i wld sae Love lyk nv be4.